Overwhelmed

It's so hard sometimes.  Life comes at you a thousand miles per hour and you try to cope with it - just one task at a time, just one day at a time.  But it gets very tiring.  Sometimes you just have to say 'no' and take a break.  This past weekend my husband was away at a Men's Retreat Camp.  I didn't know if I would be prepared to make it through the whole weekend unscathed! Every day the anxiety is kept at bay with carefully laid out plans for the day interspersed with time for doing the things that keep me healthy. 

Like eating six times a day.  Do you have any idea how much time eating takes?  Somehow I resent it even though I know how important it is.  That's because when I don't eat I get shaky and start to get really irritable and depressed.  Gotta keep the blood sugar up!

And sleeping eight hours each night.  Do you know how hard that is?  I wake up at six am buzzing away with a rush of cortisol.  If I don't go to bed on time, I won't get enough sleep and then the anxiety will buzz away all day. 

Like sitting with the CES Machine.  45 minutes every day at least once.  Sigh....

For so long I've avoided spending much time on myself and have been running to take care of the kids, take care of Ed, take care of my mom, save the world.... That takes a lot of time and energy.

Giving myself a pedicure?  No time.

Doing my nails?  No time.

A bubble bath?  No time.

Getting my hair done... WAIT! I refuse to budge on that one! You just have to take care of the roots!

Then there's the organizational side of life.  I don't even like opening my bedroom closet.  God only knows what will fall out and hit me on the head.  Drawers are full.  Put the clothes on top. No room left on the bookshelf?  Pile 'em up on the night table, then on the floor beside the bed.

The only way to cope with this is retirement.  That won't be for at least another 15 years at the rate we're going.  Perhaps I'll win a lottery. Oooops! Don't gamble. Perhaps some obscure relative will die and leave me all his money.  Perhaps... heh, heh... perhaps not!  Well, maybe the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes?  Is that really gambling?

Oh well, I'm just going to have to continue to take it one day at a time. 

God, thank goodness you're here with me.  What in heaven's name would I do without you!? 

I ask you! 

SIGH....sigh....

grace... Kathie